((An account of Riven's travels as she wanders. Journals entries, RPs, we'll see what happens here. Closed RP, more or less, unless you ask me for permission and I give it.))
Entry 752
It rained today. Something about the rain both lifts my spirits, and drenches them. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I have to take shelter under a tree, feel the cold, icy drops against my skin, or because the world seems somehow dreary and dark without the light of the sun. It'll be a cold night tonight, like it always is when it rains. I'm not much looking forward to that. A damp shelter and a dimmed fire don't make for a lot of comfort...
It's strange. Somehow, I've felt a deep sense of loss today. Like, something I once had was gone. Not the memories or my previous life. Those are always with me. But, something else I can't quite grasp. I've felt more alone than usual, which is something strange to say.
After all, I'm always alone.
But, today, for some reason, as I wandered down this path, boots squishing along, I found myself truly lacking. I felt emptier than I have felt in a very long time, as if some part of me was ripped away, and pulled from my grasp. I felt so completely and profoundly alone that I found myself close to breaking down in the middle of the road. Of course, I held my composure. What kind of soldier would simply lose control like that? It would be shameful...
Still, though, today was simply one of the days I'll be glad has passed. That's one good thing the rain brings, I suppose. New beginnings, clean air, and new growth always follow a rainstorm. It cleanses the earth around it, leaves it fresh to continue on. If only it did the same for me. There are some stains, some scars that even the hardest rain can't remove.
I won't sleep well tonight. That much I know...
- Riven
Last Edit: Dec 31, 2012 21:06:30 GMT -5 by The Exile
The air is getting crisp now. It makes sense, as I'm heading for the slopes of Mount Targon. I don't plan to climb the peak, but it has forests in the foothills and lowlands that will provide good food, shelter, and a place to collect my thoughts. Better, no one ever goes there.
The Rakkor stick to their slopes, and the Solari...they wouldn't trifle with such things. My only competition should be some of the Minotaur Tribes, if anything. Though I've heard they're typically noble, proud creatures, as long as they are not provoked. Hopefully this will allow me to pass on through without much trouble.
My spirits have been better over the last few days, though this life of solitary wandering gives me a great deal of time to think over things. I have no destination, only a goal, and for the moment that goal is beyond my grasp. My wandering only ceases when the League calls upon my services. Other than that, I wander alone through Valoran, pondering the tenants of my purpose. Writing clears my head to a degree, and lets me focus on other things.
My dinner is nearly ready. Rabbit again. I must tend to it.
I finally got to relax a bit today. After my run-in with the Outlaw in Kalamanda, I was able to have an uninterrupted day to myself. The views of the mountains were spectacular, and I could nearly see all the way to the summit of Mount Targon in the distance.
Laying there, my legs dangling in the cool water, my back on a warm rock, nothing between my skin and the air but sunlight and warmth, I thought to myself that this place is what all of us should truly be fighting for. Greed is pointless, material possessions, as much as some of them may mean to us, are worthless in the long run. So many live their lives looking to gain something, be it power, wealth, a multitude of pleasures, or even the respect of others. But, what do these pursuits ultimately mean? What do we have to gain from such things? Nothing.
Staring at that mountain, and feeling the air and sunlight against my skin reminded me just how small we all are. All of us are just tiny blips in the face of eternity. Yet, just one of us can make a difference. Stories tell of a group of Rakkor fighting off many times their number in a narrow pass. They died, but their legend lives on. I've seen great horrors, lived through some of the most terrible things a soldier can ever face. Be it by skill, destiny, or sheer dumb luck, I've survived.
One life can make a difference, but it took the deaths of one-hundred men and women that I loved as my family, the loss of everything I held dear and close, and the slaughter of countless others to show me these things. I failed them. I failed myself. And I failed Noxus. Now, it falls to me. The lives of all that stain both my blade and conscience have only me to look to to right the wrongs of my homeland, and show others what it truly means to be strong, to be honorable, and to be respected.
People ask me about my home. Why I haven't settled down. They ask me about my broken blade, why I turned my back on Noxus and walked away. Noxus is the only place I know, and the only place I will ever truly call home. It has lost its way, fallen from the path of real strength, but I will use my blade, the one thing I've always been able to count on, and I will fight to reforge it anew. When the time is right, I will show them the might of the path I've chosen, and make them see there is a better way, a stronger and more honorable way, to live. Noxus will be strong, and respected, and I'll fight to prove it.
Until then, I believe I'll lay here a little longer on this rock, and enjoy this peace for a while longer. I may not deserve it for all I have done, but even my body must face the fact of its limits from time to time...
So much has happened in recent days... Noxus has withdrawn from the League, the Butcher of the Sands and the Burning Vengeance have both been taken in by Noxus. Freljord has been attacked by dark creatures from the Void, and in response, the League has closed off the Fields of Justice until it has been dealt with and some semblance of peace can come again...and that does not bode well.
I grew up surrounded by war. I lived it, fought in it, had friends, people I considered family, taken from me by it. It is a terrible, horrible thing. When the Ionian War ended, part of me rejoiced, because I knew the League would work to stop such things from ever befalling Valoran and Runeterra again.
But looking at the present, I...I'm at a loss. I see terrible blackness and death ahead. I see treachery and corruption abound. That hateful beast continues to gather strength and twist my homeland for his own greed and selfish ambitions, and here I sit, absolutely powerless to stop anything! ...I cannot defeat a spirit of destruction... I may be able to wound the crocodilian monstrosity, but I'm unsure if he can even be killed...
I swore to myself that I would never let another Ionia or Freljord happen, that I would change Noxus for the better, and yet, I'm faced with a situation in which I can do nothing but watch it happen. Even the knowledge I gain from Relivash is useless in the long run. The Deceiver had written the messages placed in the Journal by Farnsley, she had stolen the face of the Prince, and possibly even seen to the assassination of Darkwill.
To find out more, I'm forced to follow a path that leads me to Demacia, which will surely damage my reputation in Noxus... But, to expose him for the destructive, greedy, and selfish monster that he truly is, I have to find something that will prove it.
This path I'm forced to take both infuriates and saddens me. Meeting in back alleys and dark rooms to try and find proof of such things is NOT the Noxian way. That I have been made to walk this path against my will makes me realize just how little power I truly have... Yet Swain gathers more power and people are blind to it. They cheer for him, lick his boots. Am I the only person that sees this among my homeland? Are they all so blinded by his promises of greatness that they have forgotten the lies and conspiracy in Kalamanda? Have they forgotten that Katarina Du Couteau outwardly said he played a part in the goings on in that terrible and tragic chapter?
My heart and my soul weeps at my inability to change what I see coming directly. I've no choice but to continue searching, and hope, beyond hope, that something I find will give me an edge to bring that...monster to justice for what he's done to the homeland I love...
Sleep calls to me, now. I just hope that the day that dawns after this is a brighter one. I don't know how much more disappointment I can take before I snap...
I've talked with the Blade's Shadow about what I see coming, and have made a new ally with the Radiant Dawn. part of me is happy to know that I have support from such a strong champion, and yet, another part of me wishes that I never have to use her abilities in combat...
Valoran is heading for dark times. I can feel it, and it worries me. That's why I wrote a letter to someone in Noxus recently. I have no idea if they will respond, or if I've made a foolish error by sending it, but I need allies, and I need information. Risk is part of any battle, be in on the fields, or waged quietly between ideals and goals.
I head for the Institute again tomorrow, and there I will wait for a time. If nothing comes of my letter, I will move south. I hear a group of old Noxian refugees known as the "Grey Order" reside in the cursed wastes of the Voodoo Lands. The daughter of their leaders is already an accomplished champion in her own right... Perhaps they can be of help to my cause as well.
After that...who knows? I've always been keen on wandering. I just hope my actions will bare fruit, otherwise, I'll have few options remaining. I suppose I could go to Ionia and seek the Kinkou. Ionian though they may be, they seek balance and harmony over strife. Though they will no doubt harbor some ill will toward me...perhaps they will see fit to fight against an awakened, blackened Noxus...
I suppose I should get some rest. I have many things I must do soon, and I will not be able to make good time if I'm fatigued...
It's been a while since I last wrote in here, but I've been too busy to find the time to do so. I've left the Institute and traveled back to Ionia. On the way here, I met with the Grey Order. I'm not certain how they reacted to my discussion, but their leader has told me that they will consider it and return to me with their decision at a later date...
Being back in Ionia, on these fields... A sick part of me feels like I'm home, like I belong here. Waiting for me when I arrived, the Darkin Blade spoke to me. I find it amusing that I came to the spot of the battle that changed me life, to find war personified looking over it.
I'm reminded of everyone and everything I've lost, being here. It reminds me what I'm fighting for, and reaffirms my belief that I must press on. For Anatolia too... Her pendant is right where I left it, except, this time...I think I'll take it with me...
I suppose I should rest. I have a long walk ahead of me to reach the Kinkou Order. I just hope they will be willing to listen to what I have to say...
Ionia's terrain is tough at times, but beautiful. The Ionian way of working with the wilderness to create their homes and buildings means the natural beauty of everything is preserved for everyone to enjoy. Unlike some places where sprawling cities mean there is little to no natural plant life or greenery, Ionian towns are built alongside such things, and it is a nice break from everything being so...manmade.
I still have a great deal of ground to cover before I can reach my goal, but at least I'm making progress. It feels good to actually be doing something. Without my duties to the League being a priority, I can finally work to better Noxus in a meaningful way. Being here, where it all began...it reminds me how far I really have come, how much I've grown.
This entry will have to be short, I suppose. I can hear the sounds of rain approaching, and to lose my records of everything to rain would be tragic. I will change Noxus, and soon, I'll reach the Kinkou and see how truly they respect the balance of all things. I hope they are as dedicated to it as they seem...
It was cold today again... Cat is still not back from food searching. I...miss Cat a lot. She was always fluffy and warm.
My tummy really hurts after eating that fuzzy bread... It almost hurts more than before I ate it. I see a lot of people walking by all the time. They don't look at me or pay any attention to me. But that is how Noxus is. Nobody looks at you if you are not someone special. That is what the big people in shiny clothes say when they fight with metal sticks. Sometimes, I sit and watch them fight. Sometimes I also wonder if I could be big and strong like them. Everybody looks at them...
Last night, I saw a lady get taken into the between of a building where I was. She looked pretty, but she was crying and yelling when I saw her. I remember she gave me a sweet before. There were lots of big men around her. They smelled like the smell that comes from that place with the bubbly yellow water that tickles your mouth. I don't like that smell... Whenever they get loud I hide under my safe place and close my eyes and my ears so they don't find me. This time when I finally opened my eyes she was looking at me. All her pretty clothes were missing. I sat still for a long time, but she did not move her eyes. She was cold when I touched her...
I cried a lot.
She was a pretty lady, and nice. Why did those people hurt her? Because of them, she won't be nice to anyone ever again. I miss Cat. I miss Cat a lot... It has been a lot of days since she left. Did Cat leave me too? Did some mean people hurt Cat like they did the nice lady? If I was strong, I could make them okay... I do not want to cry anymore. I want to be big and strong like those people in the shiny clothes. I want to make it so no more nice people or cats have to be hurt anymore... I don't wanna be alone anymore...
...My tummy still hurts a lot, and it is really cold... But I will be warm and be strong for Cat and the nice lady, even if my tummy really hurts...
I did it. I finally did it... I found evidence that the Grand General's plans are not so innocent and well-meaning as they might seem. I came to Ionia looking for something, risked my life for it, fought for it... Now, the information I uncovered is in the hands of those who can truly make something happen with it.
With that done, I have another lead I have to follow. The information gained from the ninja points to Zaun being militarized by Noxus. I am not a spy, nor am I strong enough to take on a contingent of Zaunite mercenaries alone, especially when equipped and backed by Noxus.
Either way, it seems I'm headed back to the mainland once more. I need to find someone who can make me some new armor... A new conflict is brewing, and I'll at least need to look the part, even if I can't fight just yet...
I have the strangest sense that I am being followed. It isn't like I'm being trailed by a ninja, but...something else. I can't truly explain it. It's like a whisper on the wind, a hint of something out of sight. I can feel it in the air around me at times, the way it shifts or moves as I walk through the forest. My intuition has always served me well. Even before Coeur I'd had a bad feeling about the valley that I couldn't shake. For now, I have no evidence to prove anything, but I am keeping my guard up.
I've made solid progress since I left the Placidium. I'm now nearly back to the small port where I had arrived originally. I've been her in Ionia for so long, it seems almost alien to head back to the mainland. But, I know that no matter how far I go, part of me will always be here, on these islands. It's as inescapable as the feeling in my gut.
Once I make it to the mainland, I plan to seek out an armorsmith who can create the armor I seek. I know of one who can make equipment durable enough to be used on the fields, and that would be the Iron Ambassador. For the runic carvings themselves I will need to seek out another individual, possibly the Rogue Mage. I would have preferred to have them done in Ionia, but, I suppose we'll have to see how everything plays out.
For now, I have my eyes set and my goal locked. I just have to keep moving...
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