Occupation: Captain in the Bandle City Ground Forces
Residence: Bandle City
Alignment: Lawful Good
Abilities
Titus is armed with a gladius, primarily used for stabbing and slashing. He's an adept in combat and the closer he gets to an opponent, the deadlier he becomes.
Relationships
Vespacian– father of Titus and currently general in the army
Lillian – mother of Titus
Description
(Profile pic on top. Drawing made by Teo.)
Biography
Ever since his father in the army, the young Titus admired Vespacian in every way. In school, Titus can be a troublemaker and he lands himself in frequent detentions. As if detentions were not a slap in the face, the dejected Vespacian forces him through painful military drills. By the time he joined the military, his quick witted mind and his strong body (from his father's punishments) finally landed him to the rank of Captain. He still has a strong admiration for his father, dreaming that one day, he could be a general like him.
Age: While I don't have a problem with 24 year olds, I do have a problem with Titus being an Admiral at 24. It's sort of an unlikely promotion because 1) he's so young and that's really all that needs to be said. The only way to become an admiral at such a young age is if you've accomplished something heroic. Even so, you did not mention how he became Admiral - because you can't inherit titles like that.
Abilities: How did he come by these cosmic powers?
Heliopause: How much magic damage can it block? Does this shield last forever if it isn't broken and if Titus doesn't move? Does the cooldown start as soon as the shield is activated or when the shield breaks?
Supernova: What is the radius of the sphere? How long does the stun last for? How much damage?
Black Hole: Increase the cooldown and add specific damage numbers.
Dark Energy: How far can he teleport? Can he chain-teleport? List a cooldown and range.
Galactic Tail: Range on the whips? How long? What are 'galactic tail-looking whips' anyway? Specify!
Fission: How does he do this? Does he just look at them and they're silenced? How long does the silence last for?
Big Freeze: Remove this. It makes absolutely no sense.
Big Rip: I'm going to say no to this as well.
Overall: All your 'personal' abilities (beyond QWER) either lack information or are too powerful. Combined with the fact that you can use those abilities anywhere is too much. Either add a cooldown timer/damage numbers to the skills or remove them. 'Big Freeze' and 'Big Rip' are going too far. Titus has too much going for him and all that's against him is 'irregular sleep cycles'. Someone just needs to go to college for that. Adding serious repercussions would also be a good idea for those abilities.
Command: As I stated, you either make Titus older (much older - at least 30+) or you remove his Admiral title all together. OR, you add something other than the fact that he 'inherited' this title in his biography.
Swordsmanship: Why doesn't he have any ranged weapons? Why does he have a sword on a boat?
History: As I have stated many many times over, you have to include how Titus came about these cosmic powers. Why is he so powerful at 24 years old and why in all of Runeterra is he also an ADMIRAL? Why would an admiral care about a mage and why would he take Titus as his apprentice of all things? At 10 years of age, he's already learned so much about 'cosmic magic' that he can do solo missions?
I'm going to have to say that you can't be an admiral AND a powerful mage like that without some form of decent history describing how he became a mage and how he became an admiral.
I've talked to Swain and Ashe and showed them multiple times my continuously edited lore. Finally, abilities were specified and fixed. Lore is fixed, shown to Swain and Ashe on Skype and approved.
So far from Swain and Ashe, they didn't see any mistakes in the current edited lore.
Post by Original Character Council on Apr 23, 2013 23:11:57 GMT -5
First point, you're not a champion you don't need scaling/ratio's on your abilities. Just a heads up since we dont level up here.
Cosmic String (Passive): Is there any actual reason why the ability functions as it does? Because as it's basically a copy and paste of Ryze's passive.
Q Gamma Ray Burst: How long is the ability range-wise?
W: HelioPause, no issue.
Supernova: No issues either
Black hole: Reduce the suction range and be aware of friendly fire, you're launching this ability 3 meters. With how you have the ability listed you would be sucking yourself into it. Also with how powerful this ability is the cooldown on it is rather short, increasing it's cooldown would be nice.
And also, most of these extra abilities seem unnecessary, you already have a full kit that provides alot of utility and damage. You've got alot going on, surely you could remove some of them?
First point, you're not a champion you don't need scaling/ratio's on your abilities. Just a heads up since we dont level up here.
Yes, I'm aware that Titus is not a champion but since Ashe is hammering me for numbers, I think it's safe to keep it there until she says otherwise. Besides, some of the accepted OC's have ability levels and AP/AD ratios.
Cosmic String (Passive): Is there any actual reason why the ability functions as it does? Because as it's basically a copy and paste of Ryze's passive.
I'm thinking that Titus has to be bursty. Sadly, I gotta think of a passive for Cosmic String since you're the person that basically notices Ryze's passive...
I finally edited the passive. Though I'm unsure of it (and don't like it for similar reasons you're going to see).
Q Gamma Ray Burst: How long is the ability range-wise?
Shorter than Xerath's Arcanopulse (without his extra range) but wider.
Black hole: Reduce the suction range and be aware of friendly fire, you're launching this ability 3 meters. With how you have the ability listed you would be sucking yourself into it. Also with how powerful this ability is the cooldown on it is rather short, increasing it's cooldown would be nice.
80 seconds is a long cooldown. I might go for 90 seconds but no more than that. Any more increasing cooldowns and might as well make it a Karthus or Shen ult.
And also, most of these extra abilities seem unnecessary, you already have a full kit that provides alot of utility and damage. You've got alot going on, surely you could remove some of them?
Did remove a few of them. However, I'm keeping some because I just love them.
Also en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keelhauling Your character went through this, if he had he would've most definitely died. Not injured, a change in this would be appreciated.
Oooooh. I only read about that (I didn't even know the name of the punishment) in a book that talks about military discipline. I didn't know about that in much detail until now. I'll change it to constant whipping.
Post by Victus Brightblade on Apr 29, 2013 0:15:30 GMT -5
Ult CD- 80 isn't that long. It is actually rather SHORT. Most of the champions have ultimates that are over 100 CD. You are not factoring in CDR from items they get on the fields. Your ult also is massive AoE CC as is and potential damage is huge. 130 sec cd is reasonable. Thresh's Box has a 130 sec cd and is smaller than yours.
Again, numbers are nice. Scalings just don't help us. It is a waste of YOUR time. As is, I don't care about them. It doesn't affect anything. I look at your final stats. Leave them in, just realize I am not looking at them.
Ult CD- 80 isn't that long. It is actually rather SHORT. Most of the champions have ultimates that are over 100 CD. You are not factoring in CDR from items they get on the fields. Your ult also is massive AoE CC as is and potential damage is huge. 130 sec cd is reasonable. Thresh's Box has a 130 sec cd and is smaller than yours.
Well I can't believe that I'm dumb. I just took a look at Kennen and saw that it's at 120 second cooldown. Personally I assumed that all champions have somewhere from 45-100 seconds of cooldown. I never knew actually so...I apologize! I changed it to your recommended cooldown.
Telekinetics- have what to do with cosmic magic?
I personally do not know what your stance on magic (and its specifics) and how mages train other mages and the evolution of magic. So if I'm wrong, I would just simply delete it and what not.
Anyways, my reason is that telekinetic powers are the basis for cosmic powers. Somehow you manipulate the forces of gravity to lift up objects and stuff. And gravity is powerful force.
That's my reason here and if any admin disagrees with it, I'll try to explain. If they want me to delete it, then I'll delete it.
Looking from the Superhero Wiki, the best thing (in my mind) that I can do is just increase Titus' attack speed (such as the number of times he can punch in 5 seconds) and how much force he exerts.
EDIT: I removed that to make the entire process easier.
Post by Victus Brightblade on May 12, 2013 0:20:28 GMT -5
Firstly, Magic is learned not inherited. Only schooling affects your knowledge. When did you have time to learn magic amongst the training to be an admiral?
Also, the events leading to his promotion and it's aftermath are not quite logical. Why is the Admiral not taking command of the ship that is in dire straits and doing the rallying long before Titus thought to? The admiral who taught Titus everything he knows? Also covert ops.....in the navy....but doesn't wanna be on a boat at the time??
Also, age again. Too young. Admirals are usually OLDER than the crew. Admiral should most definitely be around 40.
Firstly, Magic is learned not inherited. Only schooling affects your knowledge. When did you have time to learn magic amongst the training to be an admiral?
I changed it so that Titus has been taught magic by his babysitter/mentor in his childhood and further honed his magic in the military.
Also, the events leading to his promotion and it's aftermath are not quite logical. Why is the Admiral not taking command of the ship that is in dire straits and doing the rallying long before Titus thought to? The admiral who taught Titus everything he knows? Also covert ops.....in the navy....but doesn't wanna be on a boat at the time??
Also, age again. Too young. Admirals are usually OLDER than the crew. Admiral should most definitely be around 40.
Told Swain that I like to keep his young age so I did two things: moved Titus to the army and demoted him big time.
Oh and other things -
1. I gave him magical abilities but I need it to be checked. I'm trying my best to make it balanced but also show the potency Titus has in the military.
2. Lore will be shown later but in a nutshell, Titus is young, he wants to follow in his dad's footsteps, and when Vespacian is on duty Titus would be babysitted by Marcus Aurelius. Oh and Titus is a captain (in the army).
Age is, for that reason, still an issue. Furthermore, he's still considered very skilled with a blade as well.
As I have been told, the magic was separated from this character in an attempt to stop it from interfering with their admiral status because the magic was deemed as being on the very cusp of plausible for the age given at the time. Since the split has happened, the cosmic powers have been reinstated, along with a host of other magical powers. I am unsure in which direction you intend to take this character.
Furthermore, changing Titus from his place in the navy to the army conflicts with posts made prior to this switch.
Age is, for that reason, still an issue. Furthermore, he's still considered very skilled with a blade as well.
In any case in any military, a person is technically "skilled" with constant military training and deadly missions. So Titus can be adept in using his sword.
As I have been told, the magic was separated from this character in an attempt to stop it from interfering with their admiral status because the magic was deemed as being on the very cusp of plausible for the age given at the time. Since the split has happened, the cosmic powers have been reinstated, along with a host of other magical powers. I am unsure in which direction you intend to take this character.
Changed the abilities to define Titus more...melee type.
Furthermore, changing Titus from his place in the navy to the army conflicts with posts made prior to this switch.
I know. And Swain knows. And the people who I have RP'ed with and before know as well. I told them about it and they seem to be fine with it. Swain, obviously, is definitely fine with it.
And I know the risks of making a massive retcon with an OC, especially with mine. So...I'm still going to do a massive retcon.
Other than that, is there any comments or complaints?
Post by Original Character Council on May 20, 2013 0:46:39 GMT -5
Armies have a dress code, and while it's perfectly okay to wear whatever you'd like outside of your service, you would be expected to wear this uniform during most anything both on base and during deployments.
Insubordination is also extremely frowned upon in any military establishment, regardless of branch (Army, Navy, Airforce) or the region of the world it's in (Demacia, Noxus, Yordle Lands). It's not unusual for such actions to be dealt with via expulsion.
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Welcome to Maelstrom, Original Characters, Summoners and Champions alike. We are a divergent setting roleplay forum for the ever-popular MOBA by Riot, League of Legends. This means we are based in Riot canon, but your characters' actions can have a real, lasting impact on the world. Together, the Maelstrom community endeavors to bring the League of Legends setting and characters to life through collaborative storytelling and meaningful development. We welcome you along for the ride.
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